i've moved

go here to read my thoughts from now on...trust me, it will be more appealing to your eyes:

http://awhikehart.squarespace.com

adding to the noise

Everyone's sharing their opinions on the election and the economy.

And if you know me, you know I have opinions about everything.

But in the grand scheme of things, I have very little to offer to a conversation on such topics. Even if I did possess a great intelligence on political issues, my opinion matters no more than anyone else's.

So I'm not going to publish who I'm voting for or what I think we should do in Iraq or which candidate has the better tax plan. However, I would like to address the growing popularity of two types of statements I have heard among Christians that are ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. I don't like to use my blog to call people out very often, but this NEEDS to be addressed. Why? Because both thoughts are saturated with pride, which is the very reason we're in a desperate state in the first place. So let's stop adding to the problem.

1. To suppose that a United States presidential candidate is the antichrist has no purpose. In fact, it makes American Christians seem rather self-centered, to think that the antichrist will come out of American politics. It seems to be used as a scare tactic, as well as an excuse not to love an individual who may not hold the same opinions on where moral truth is to be found. I'll be the first to disagree with someone if they don't hold true to the biblical model of government and right vs. wrong (which is usually every candidate), but to put an antichrist label on them is extreme.

2. The economy's current downhill pattern isn't a sign that we are approaching the end times. To suggest so is a slap in the face to everyone facing much more difficult hardships in other areas of our world, and again, is developed out of a self-centered attitude. Are we getting closer to the "end times" (whatever that means)? Yes. And we always have been regardless of whether we've been prosperous or in despair. So we feel like our world is crashing because we're losing money. Guess what? There are much more important things than money.

yes, i'm really giving away money to someone who reads my blog...

OK friends, here's the deal.
I really love baseball.
And I really love blogging.
So why not combine the two during one of the most exciting times of the year--Major League Baseball playoffs!

Leave a comment on this post with your predictions on WHAT TEAM will win the World Series AND in HOW MANY GAMES they will do so. There is a prize for the winner valued at $10 in the form of a gift card. So don't forget to make it clear WHO YOU ARE if you leave a comment (and just so you know, even if you don't have a Google account, you still are able to comment anonymously and sign your name).

There may need to be a tie-breaker, but we'll deal with that when the time comes:) All are welcome to participate, even if you don't live in Louisville where I currently reside. Although, if you are an international reader, I can't make any promises. Only requirement is that I have to actually know you in-person...complete strangers will not win anything!

Just in case you need some help, here are the teams in the playoffs: Los Angeles Dodgers, Chicago Cubs, Philadelphia Phillies, Milwaukee Brewers, Chicago White Sox, Los Angeles Angels, Boston Red Sox, or Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

YOU NEED TO RESPOND BY 5:00PM EST ON OCTOBER 2, 2008.

And in case you care, I really really really would like the White Sox to win...and preferably, over the Cubs in however many games it takes. But that's not my actual predictions, it's just wishful thinking:)

Steve the Spider

Last week, I discovered that I had a spider living behind the mirror on the driver's side of my car. I didn't have time to kill it, but I planned on attacking it in the near future. Like most people, I generally don't like bugs or spiders or any creepy-crawly organism of that nature.

The Wendy's drive-thru lady noticed the web it had spun between the mirror and the car door later that afternoon. She simply reached out and destroyed the sticky threads with her bare "touches the food you eat" hands (but that's a completely different issue). I assumed it was the last I would see of the spider.

But the next morning, the spider was sitting on a newly spun web. And I left it. I don't know why, but I admired its determination. As I got in my car and drove to work, I noticed that Steve (yes, I named the spider) could hold on to his web while I was going 15 mph, then 25, then 35...I was amazed at his feats of strength!

Every now and then, his web gets destroyed. I try to prevent it from happening--for example, my car REALLY needs washed, but I just couldn't do that to Steve. Today, I was driving on the interstate. As I began to accelerate to 65 mph, I may have shouted (with people in the car...), "Steve, don't fall Steve, crawl behind the mirror!!!" He listened. Steve is really smart. And just in case you were wondering, his web is still intact despite the high rates of speed.

I suppose you could say I have a new appreciation for spiders. I'm not too sure how long Steve is going to stay, but it's kind of nice to be fascinated outside of the "let's see what this looks like when I smash it on the pavement" way by a piece of creation.

no, i'm not on writing sabbatical

As I write, I sit in an apartment where the carpet desperately needs to be vacuumed. And tomorrow morning, I'll wake up, take a shower, and use a towel that's been used a few too many days in a row because I haven't done laundry in a few weeks. I suppose instead of writing I could return a few phone calls, but writing can sometimes be my sanity in the midst of a "need to do" list. Tomorrow is a day for productivity...

For all of those eagerly anticipating the end of my dating series...it will come soon. I'm feeling rather uninspired to write any longer about that topic, so instead of trying to force it, I'll just wait and ask you to be patient.

There's something that's been weighing on my mind as of late. Maybe this comes with working at a church, but suddenly I find myself with a great sense of urgency to make God known to those who do not have the hope and joy in Christ. Now, before one declares my desires as righteous or holy, I must confess to you...I'm doing very little about it. And therein lies the problem. The reason I feel anxiety. The reason why my mind has very little peace at night.

And it's crazy, because I spend 40+ hours a week in a cubicle with the primary goal of connecting 20-somethings to Jesus and His Church. So when I say "I'm doing very little about it", I don't mean as though I am lazy or apathetic, although I've fought those battles before. What I mean is that I desperately need to reevaluate my motivation.

Last night, in the silence of a moment with God, He spoke to me about my heart. And it was made clear to me that most of my energy has been put into answering the question, "How am I sharing the Gospel?" The problem is that this approach still is "me"-centered--it focuses on the whens and the wheres and the hows. It's beneficial to evaluate effective methods for teaching others about the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ; but I've developed a habit of asking myself that question and being satisfied in my own abilities to communicate rather than being focused on what really matters.

What really matters is people receiving the Gospel. God has already made known, through His Word, that the knowledge of His glory will fill the earth by HIS doing, not mine. Sometimes I wonder if, internally, I celebrate more in the act of sharing the Gospel than I do when a brother or sister comes to believe the Gospel. If so, I'm putting more faith in my words than God's. I spend time obsessing over things that are out of my control, and very little time praying that seeds would be planted and grow in the hearts of those that have been opened by God. I'm limiting myself for the sake of my own glory instead of living in freedom that the Spirit has given me undeservingly.

For those that find themselves in my situation--that are more concerned with how they are sharing rather than people receiving--I challenge you with this final thought. If we truly lived as Christ has commanded to, we wouldn't categorize some experiences into "opportunities where we were able to share the Gospel." Because the truth is that we are to be sharing the Gospel at ALL times. For me, this means that I need to listen with the intent of celebrating--the arrival of joy, the forgiveness of sin, the victory over a trial.

myths on dating // "we're just friends."

I may have set myself up for failure on this one. Typically, I write about things I feel as though I have a good grasp on. But I can't say as though I'm anywhere near being an expert on this next entry. However, I feel as though this topic is important, and I've already built up anticipation by telling you that I'd be writing about it. So, for the sake of honesty and vulnerability, here are my humble thoughts.

It is a great challenge to learn how to have a healthy dating relationship. It is another great(er--at times) challenge to learn how to have healthy friendships with those of the opposite sex. And how you conduct yourself in friendships with the opposite sex matters. Most of these entries are based off the different roles God has given men and women--this one is devoted to the same calling that has been placed on both genders: to be people of integrity and high character. This is what marks true biblical manhood and womanhood.

I'm not going to tell you whether "guys and girls CAN be friends" or "guys and girls CAN'T be friends." Here's what I will tell you: sometimes it's easy to fool ourselves. Sometimes it's easy to think that we are fooling others. Either way, we're just being foolish. The following list was made in an effort to promote wise living:

Six warning signs that you aren't "just friends":
1. If you are waiting for time to change your relationship.
Someone isn't "just friends" with someone else if they are secretly wishing that the person they are "just friends" with will someday want to be more than "just friends." I'm all for building dating relationships on the foundation of a solid friendship, but I also know that it's easy to cling to rather insignificant "signs" that keep your hopes up while the other person doesn't even realize what they are doing.

2. If you haven't had a conversation about the state of your friendship/relationship/friend-lationship(?).
Obviously, the best resource you have in helping define the state of your relationship is the other person involved--not your best friend or nosy co-worker. The healthiest thing you can do for yourself is ask for clarification, even if it may be awkward; because without it, you have nothing to go on (let's face it, your best friend will tell you exactly what you want to hear, which doesn't make he/she a very reliable source). And after the conversation, make sure your actions dictate the verdict...easier said than done in some cases.

3. If you can't be friends with their significant other.
If the person you are "just friends" is, or starts, dating someone else, it's a true test of your "just friend"-ness. If you can't befriend the person your friend is dating, then there's going to be a problem...and you probably weren't "just friends" with them in the first place.

4. If the sheer number of your friends of the opposite sex outweighs your friends of the same sex.
You know what I've always found interesting? There's a lot of guys who claim, "I have always been better friends with girls." And there's a lot of girls who claim, "I just relate better to guys." Uh...anyone else see a problem with this? I'm going to make a bold statement by saying that a lot of young people who claim this find their security in these relationships. "Not liking drama" is not a reason for girls to have very few friends of the same sex--according to the popularity of the above statement, there's other girls who feel the very same way. And feeling like you can "be more open" with girls does not give guys an excuse to put no effort in building up friendships with other men.

5. If the information you disclose is not equivalent to your other friendships.
I'm mainly talking to my girls on this one, because women tend to manipulate words to gain emotional comfort. Examine what your motivations are in sharing what you do with your guy friends. If you can't, or don't take the effort to, share the same with another girl, it's probably not appropriate. And guys--knowing that girls have a tendency to do this, do your best to guard yourself against these situations.

6. If you've dated them.
No explanation needed. If you've attempted it, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, just take our word for it.

myths on dating // "you complete me."

This blog is short and sweet (it's rare that I use this few of words to share my view on something, so enjoy it!). Although it is a rather romantic idea to have one person "complete" another one, it's not the truth.

There are a few dangers present in this thought. First, it takes away from the focus of the work Christ does in us when we receive the Spirit (check out Colossians 2 for a description).

Second, even though men and women have opposites, they are still complete people independent from each other. If you believe otherwise, you'll find yourself waiting until you get married to start your life. Opposites can attract--but in the end, it doesn't mean that you have "completed" yourself if you find someone whose strength is your weakness. Similarities are sometimes underrated in relationships, but for long-term success, they need to be present.

And third, as a single man or a single woman, you are just as complete as if you were married. The church doesn't always do a good job of telling you that, and for that I sincerely apologize. Your worth is not found in another person, but in Christ--so live that out!

So just because Renee Zellweger fell in love with Tom Cruise in "Jerry Maguire" over this line doesn't mean it works in real life...and I think we've all learned that just because Tom Cruise says something doesn't mean it's very valid (for further evidence, search his name on YouTube).

myths on dating // "it's going to take a great man to earn my respect"

Maybe you know the girl I used to be. You know, the girl who claims that "girls can do anything guys do", the girl who sees it as justice to fight for women to be considered "equals" among men in all fields, the girl who glories in her independence. I know these girls because I was one.

I suppose it all started with good intentions. I didn't want to be a person who waited until they got married to start their life, so I set ambitions for myself and went out to achieve them. And there's nothing wrong with women being successful--please don't miss that. But I had bought into a philosophy that fails to see that there are specific roles that have been uniquely assigned to men and uniquely assigned to women.

There's a problem in our society, and it can be summed up like this: simply put, we're masculinizing women and feminizing men. And this can manifest into something very ugly, even in the church. I got it wrong for many years, now I'm passionate about helping people get it right. There is an urgency to live this out--and it is the very thing that is under attack in our culture today.

I developed the "it's going to take a great man to earn my respect" attitude as a result of this incorrect philosophy. Now, before I go any further--it's not as though I've thrown all standards out the window. My problem with the statement is more about the underlying philosophy behind it than the statement itself. This attitude creates a woman who sits on her throne, expecting men to jump through hoops of fire to impress her.

We've missed the fact that, as women, we are to be a helper suitable to men (Genesis 2), designed to be an encourager and supporter. Therefore, even in the church, we struggle to find men who are leaders, but have plenty of women who complain about that very fact. I wonder if woman are partially to blame for this problem. I wonder if we would begin to see men feel empowered to lead when women begin to speak words of affirmation into the lives of the men around them. As rare as it may seem to find a man who leads, it may be just as rare to find a woman who respects men the way she ought to.

For my ladies reading this (I'll get to the guys in a second), if you take away only one thing I write in this post, remember this: You were created with the desire to submit (I don't care if you like or loathe that word, it's the truth). Some of us deny that desire, for whatever reason. It may be your past or your personality, but sometimes we create an economy of respect where people attempt to buy and sell this rare currency at a high price. Disrespecting men who love the Lord and refusing to submit is to deny who we were created to be.

And guys, realize that you were made to be respected, and a woman should do nothing less. Don't settle for a seemingly "great girl" if she doesn't have admiration for who you are, if her words and actions aren't filled with encouragement and support. If you are a man following after the heart of God, you deserve a helper suitable; a woman who makes you a better leader because of her words.

This goes far beyond dating, like I said in my previous post. I'm not asking women to submit to every man like he's her husband, and I'm not demolishing the expectations for men to step up and be great leaders. I suppose this post is more for the women than the men who read my blog, but I leave you with this: know that God created purpose in gender, and to deny that is to live foolishly as the world does. Help each other become the great men and women who advance the kingdom by becoming who they were created to be.

myths on dating // the preface

I know, I know...if there's anything I'd rather NOT write about in the world, it would be on this subject matter. My employment at a Christian bookstore for a couple of years helped me develop a slight distaste towards literature on Christian dating philosophies. You get to a point where you realize they're all saying the same thing. Don't get me wrong--these books serve a purpose. But they can all be summarized with two words: date (or court...if you've chosen to use that word instead--and on that note, can someone really explain to me the difference?) wisely. 

That's why I hesitate to start this series of posts. In my opinion, it is much more beneficial to teach a biblical view on gender identity than it is to teach a biblical view on dating. Why? Because the latter really doesn't exist--most people just write from their past experiences. I'd much rather see us spend our time discussing God's instruction for true manhood and womanhood. I think most of our frequently debated topics on dating would be a lot clearer if we did so.

Therefore, these posts aren't solely limited to the context of dating. It's just the context I see the myths in the most (which isn't uncommon when you are in your 20s). But I'm going to attempt to examine them on the basis of having a correct view of God's purpose in gender. 

Now, before I go any further, I should also point out the fact that I am single. And although I've learned a few lessons from my own relationships, all of them have obviously ended for various reasons, which leaves me with very little credibility to write on the issue. Therefore, if you feel as though this is adequate means for dismissing everything I have to say on this subject matter for fear that I may screw up this area of your life, I will not hold it against you if you choose to read no further. :)

Let me introduce you to what you can expect in the coming days. The following "myths"--better described as an incorrect way of viewing these types of relationships--are phrases that I hear all too often...and at one time, may have even come out of my mouth:

1. "It's going to take a great man to earn my respect."

2. "You complete me."

3. "We're just friends..."

4. ummm...I have yet to think of a title for this one. So you'll be surprised. 

5. "I'm ready to get married."

And I really don't want someone to explain to me the difference between dating and courting. The above statement was made in sarcasm. Just in case there's anyone that's really passionate about the issue...

on being vulnerable (part 2)...

I have a problem asking for things I need. I suppose it's because I value my independence. This has always been the case, but I've always been hesitant to admit that fact that I like being self-sufficient. I suppose it's because I've never been quite certain whether this is a strength or a weakness.

When it comes to being vulnerable with others, my independence has posed as a weakness, however. In relationships with others, in my relationship with God, I spend a great deal of energy proving that I have very few needs. A false sense of satisfaction comes from these moments where I attempt to deny my humanity. 

But I am human. I make mistakes and I know failure and I've been broken and I was not created to live life alone. In the Old Testament, God states that "it is not good for man to be alone." And the beauty of this statement is that--in this moment of creation--God is making a statement about His nature, not just a statement about humanity. In his triune nature, God models the perfection of community.

If I believe that I was created in the image of God, I must learn how to live in a community where I surrender my independence for honest relationships. The fear that keeps me from showing my need to others--that I am not God, and that God is not man--is an attempt to ask God to deny His nature.

To need is not a weakness. To need is to know the only thing that can give me strength.

on being vulnerable...

I've felt rather uninspired to write lately, which isn't exactly rare by any means. It's not that I don't have anything to write about. In fact, I have a stack of post-it notes and email drafts and church bulletins and lists on my PDA of many underdeveloped thoughts that have crossed my mind. Usually, my writing process is as simple as choosing one of these topics and emptying my mind of everything that comes to mind in accordance with the chosen subject matter.

But tonight, I'm free-styling it with some thoughts on vulnerability. Mostly because I've never understood how to be vulnerable well. Or maybe it's not something anyone can do well. If one of the purposes of being vulnerable is to prove that no one has life perfected, I suppose doing vulnerability well may be a paradox.

At any rate, I truly believe that a person can get to a place where they enjoy vulnerability. I know that may sound like a foreign concept to some. I've gone from being too vulnerable too quickly to not being vulnerable with anyone, and neither extremes have been enjoyable, but rather ineffective and unhealthy. 

Despite all of this, I have to believe that there is a balance that allows us to invite people into our lives to walk alongside us despite our faults, learning to celebrate in our inadequacy and asking God for the wisdom to know when to speak and when to be silent. Experiencing joy in community is more than just simply hanging out and gaining friends--it's having accountability with brothers and sisters in Christ who know us in our strengths and weaknesses.

There is risk in relationships--imperfect people are never completely safe. But it is my prayer that you and I continually strive towards a vulnerability that is not based on the feelings we gain from it, but for the encouragement and edification that comes from admitting that we are not perfect. 

mickey mouse pancakes

My grandpa liked to claim he was a Cubs fan. I'm pretty sure he started following them only when he realized it would cause a reaction out of me and my sister. In the summertime, I would walk into my grandparents' house, and the first words out of his mouth were, "How about them Cubs?" followed by an uncontainable laughter. I must have explained to him 100+ times that the Cubs were the #1 enemy of my beloved Cardinals while he just smiled.

Sometimes, he would even have the game on their enormous big screen TV in the living room. Every few years, my grandparents would save up their money and combine their funds to buy a new TV for a Christmas or Anniversary. And every year, it was bigger than the previous TV by at least a foot. I would always ask him the score of the game, and he would give me some ridiculous answer; which proved to me that he hadn't actually been watching the game, but only flipped over from his usual programming of Family Matters (he loved Steve Urkel), Jeopardy (where he provided an answer to EVERY question, even though he rarely got any right), or some cheaply produced movie on the Sci-Fi channel.

Of course, grandpa had "his chair" in the living room to watch TV in. It's actually where I picture him the most, I suppose because I loved crawling into his lap when I was younger. As I got older, I would sit next to him and play cards; Kings in the Corner was our game, and my grandpa usually let me win. It's also from this chair that my grandpa stated his famous lines, attempting to give me advice on life. Whenever I was hungry, he would simply say, "There's some sardines in the fridge that'll make hair grow on your chest." If Jenna and I sang along to a TV commercial, he'd respond with, "What did you do with the money your mom gave you for singing lessons?" And anytime I would tell him about a boy I liked, he would ask, "Is that the boy with one ear longer than the other?"

I suppose now is the time to tell you that my grandpa was not REALLY my grandpa, although he's the closest thing to a grandpa I've ever known. A few weeks after I was born, a couple named Tom and Fran Morgan started watching me in their home while my parents were at work. Because they watched their grandchildren as well, I grew up calling them "grandpa" and "grandma", and never thought of them as anything different. When I finally realized they weren't my actual grandparents, they didn't allow me to call them anything different. My grandpa would introduce me as his granddaughter, followed by a "Doesn't she look so much like me?" People would agree, and we would laugh, knowing that we didn't share a gene pool.

There was never a day that I didn't know that my grandpa loved me and was proud of me. He told the stories of changing my diapers as if it was an honor. On my birthdays, he always called the local country radio station (which I NEVER listened to, but he never remembered that) and had the DJ that day make a special announcement. In the mornings when I'd arrive at their house before school, my grandpa would always put a little bit of his aftershave on me because I wanted to remember what he smelled like throughout the day.

Each year, my school would have a pancake breakfast to raise money for a cause I currently can't remember, and every year my grandpa would cook for it. I remember standing in line, waiting impatiently to get up to the window...because I wouldn't be handed a regular pancake like all the other kids. As soon as he saw his granddaughter, my grandpa would pour the batter into three circles on the grill and wait until they joined together to make the perfect mickey mouse pancake.

I will always love mickey mouse pancakes.

Tom Morgan
April 3, 1937--December 19, 2007

surrender

I've been learning lately that the extraction of pride in my life is a painful, but necessary, process. Recently, I've just been in a weird funk with a consecutive amount of days ranging from "just OK" to "I never want to repeat that again." I think I'm anxious about life's changes, but I'm not taking the necessary steps to lay my burdens down at the feet of God. These steps are simple...I just need to let go of the control I cling to so tightly. But instead, I hold on to insecurities and doubts that Satan seems to put in my mind every day.

I want to know what it means to have simple faith. This morning, I simply prayed, "Lord, remind me of what I know is true: that through your Son's life, death, and resurrection, we have forgiveness. Remind me that you are good, and that your love has, and always will, endure."

It's in this simple faith that joy exists. Some days, I am so concerned with my own self that I've forgotten the peace that comes in humbling myself before the Lord. And on those days, I'm never satisfied and never content.

I need to leave Egypt. But I can't do it alone.

my love

I have fallen in love.

And the object of my love is not perfect. Far from it, actually. But I claim all of my love's imperfections. In fact, my love helps me see my own imperfections, which draws us both closer to our first love--the Lord. So despite the imperfections, I continue to commit to my love, though at times I've been hurt by that which has won my affections.

It pains me when people talk about my love in ways that convey something other than respect and admiration. If my love does not have peace, joy, or justice, I desire to provide it. I will go before the throne of my Lord for my love, asking that sin not threaten that which I adore.

Ask me to give up my love, I will not. There is very little purpose in life without my love. This need comforts me, because I know that despite the hardships, my love will never leave me. I will defend my love to all, because my love has taught me humility and beauty and purity. My love has refined me.

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace...

Therefore, I declare to you today that I am innocent of the blood of all men. For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God. Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood. I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them...

Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified."--Paul, in Acts 20.

thirsty?!

Last week, I discovered that I had 10+ bottles of water that were anywhere from 11-92% full in my refrigerator. ALL of them were previously open and partially drank out of. After waiting a few days to try and decide what I should do with the accumulation of water bottles that had touched the mouths of friends or family members, I came to the conclusion that I just didn't care. So I started drinking the water, trying not to think about the possible germs that may be present.
I suppose I could make a good spiritual illustration out of this. Something about how people can become numb to the source that they try to quench their thirst for significance from. But I'm tired. So my only point in this post is to have you know that I really don't like wasting water. Or wasting anything, for that matter.

becoming aware...

Have you ever looked at a picture of yourself and suddenly been aware of a certain mannerism, facial expression, or other habit that you have? My old roommate Stephanie has endearingly labeled one of my facial expressions as the "Amy face"; but until she said something, I never realized that every time I went to take a goofy picture, I was making the same face. There have been other times where I've looked at pictures and had rather unpleasant observations--my posture could use some improvement, my hair is never straightened enough in the back.

But there's something deeper than physical awareness of what we look like, and that is a spiritual awareness of our own pride. What I look like in a photograph has very little significance in the grand scheme of things. Pride, however, roots itself in our human nature; causing every action, every word, every thought, to be influenced by the heightened view of ourselves. It's something that we often don't see unless we take a close examination, but very rarely do we take the time to do this.

Maybe it's exactly what we NEED to do.

We are aware of the actions we call sin. When we disobey, we know we are disobeying. When we lie, we know we are lying. When we lust, we know we are lusting. When we covet, disrespect, cheat, pervert...we know those things as wrong. As people who want to be viewed as right, we attempt to eliminate these actions from our lives. In our attempts to eliminate, we often, as the songwriter Derek Webb writes: "trade sins for others that are easier to hide." Why is this? Is it because we are missing the core of what is really behind each of these actions?

I lived many years as a Christian blind to the reality of pride--it's not as easy as making an observation from a photograph. And when I finally recognized the ways in which it had manifested in my life, I attempted to cover it up to those who could see it. If you've ever done this, you know that it's impossible. Days where I thought I was being "humble" were met with moments when I was more aware of another's pride than I was of my very own; which is the blinding nature of pride, to see others and judge their lack of humility.

The Christian life is more than the effort to eliminate "public" sin. I am not suggesting that our actions do not matter. But instead of trying to manipulate the perfection of ourselves, we should be becoming ever increasingly aware of our inadequacy to transform ourselves.

We put SO much effort into avoiding moments in which our pride is exposed for the world to see. What if we put that much effort into claiming our own depravity and a need for Jesus Christ to rescue us from being a slave to sin? Would our lives truly then be a testimony of the transforming work He wants to complete in each one of us?

This awareness of our pride--the fact that we satisfy our desires before our neighbors, slander our brothers and sisters in order to gain worth in the eyes of others, critically judge those who do not live like we do--is a call to humility. It shows us our true need for a Savior. It is He that eliminates sin, not us. We have no power outside of His if we've surrendered our life to Him.

blast from the past

OK friends...I'm not too sure who reads this blog, so consider yourself fortunate that I am actually sharing this information:) For those of you who have only known me for a year and a half (everyone in Louisville), this may be more humorous. But for all of you, it's a lesson learned on how NOT to document your life online so you won't be completely embarrassed when you find your online journal a few years later. 

She only knew one song...

This was a website I created when I was a senior in high school and carried it through my sophomore year in college. I'm still actually rather impressed with my basic knowledge of HTML (the pictures and links pages don't work anymore, and i never actually finished the site...oh well). I was OBSESSED with Switchfoot, so everything is based around lyrics to their songs. My online journal contains some, uh...interesting things! Let's just say I was definitely boy crazy, a little too postmodern, and probably the most random person you'd ever met.

Arizona's caught me by surprise...

This one's a little less embarrassing...it's my journal from when I lived in AZ, for the most part. After skimming both of these sites, I've come to the realization that I've grown up a lot.

Magnifying Magnets

Just for fun, this was my first published article!

influential?

A couple of weeks ago, I had one of those Sundays where I really didn't feel like going to church. If it wasn't for my good friend Renee, I probably wouldn't have...but because I have a hard time saying no to anything, I went with her. The weekend's sermon was on parenting young children, and since I have no children, I assumed that it wouldn't apply to me. Usually, I'm the one who tries to convince people that everything can be applicable, but even I couldn't convince myself that listening to this sermon would be more beneficial than a few extra hours of sleep.

We've all been there...and we've all been proven wrong when we walk away from the very thing we didn't want to do with a new perspective on what it means to be a follower of Christ. This was no exception. I walked away after listening to a message on raising Godly kids with so many questions:

--How do I attempt to influence people?

--Does my influence bring fame to Christ?

--Am I motivated to be an influential leader because of the glory God receives?

--How do I measure my success as an influential leader?

As I started to evaluate my honest answers to these questions, I realized that many of them were rooted in pride.

There were 2 lies that I could immediately identify that I had bought into. First was the lie that doing all of the right actions would make people look up to me. Maybe you're like me...you realize this isn't the truth, but for some reason, you keep attempting to make it work by getting involved in all the "right" things, mostly because of obligation. The problem with this approach is that it isn't focused on transformation...it's just an attempt to get as many people to live their life the way you live yours because you have things, for the most part, together.

The second lie is closely tied with something I love, and that is language. Perfectly crafted sentences are beautiful to me. But sometimes, this strength of mine can become a stumbling block. It's like trying to discover which key on the ring will unlock the door you are standing in front of. If I explain myself perfectly, and it doesn't automatically result in the response I had hoped for, I will try again...and again...and again. And the problem with this is that I give MY words too much power and focus very little on letting the Spirit speak through me.

Both of these lies are rooted in pride; in the fact that at the end of the day, I evaluate my success as a leader on whether a person did what I wanted them to or not. But the work of advancing the Kingdom is about denying yourself. It's about being humble and not demanding attention or praise, but pointing all things back to the Creator. To be influential, as a Christian, is to walk closely with God. It's to boldly speak of what He has done, and what He continues to do in your life. It's to study His Word and let His wisdom flow from your lips. It's living with joy in all circumstances and speaking the truth in love and reconciling relationships and following through with commitments.

At the end of the day, these things are far simpler than trying to manipulate an image of yourself that has the appearance of perfection. Humility is far more attractive to those God has given you the honor of leading.

cherish innocence

This is my girl Susie. I met her more than 3 years ago when I first moved to the Rez. She is just one of the many children in the world that have been exposed to the harsh reality of this world at such a young age. I will never forget the faces of the children that came in and out of the foster home; I would have done anything to restore their innocence. 

Susie taught me about what it means to have a living hope for those who need to know His love in a very real way--especially children. Lately, God has placed a call on my heart to pray for and support a ministry in Cambodia that helps girls who have been victims of slavery and prostitution towards freedom and rehabilitation. Check out Rapha House's blog. 

awe & wonder

I was created to be in awe. 

Somewhere between waking up in the morning and falling asleep at night, despite the discouragements and the demands of the day, past the routines and the requirements that are expected of us...I want to know the wonder of serving Christ.

Have you ever lost that wonder? 

I have. For awhile, I didn't even know that it was gone. And when I knew it was gone, I didn't know what had stolen it, or when I had lost it. One thing's for certain though--there's a lot of things you can fake in life, but knowing the wonder of serving Christ is not one of them. 

It doesn't take a long examination to see what keeps our human nature from seeing the fullness of God. A writer much greater than myself (Martin Buber) has said that our culture creates an eclipse of God. It does not destroy God, but we cannot see the brightness of His light when we are constantly bombarded by that which is contrary to the nature of God.

In John 5, Jesus calls out those who "diligently study the Scriptures, but yet refuse to come to me to have life." The life He is referring to is eternal life. There are numerous stories in the Gospels where Jesus continually redefines the idea of what it means to have life. Obviously, the people He's talking to are alive, in the sense that their heart is beating and they have breath in their lungs. But they don't have eternal life--they don't know the awe that comes with following Christ.

Later in the book of John, we see Jesus pray, "Father, the time has come. Glorify your son, that your Son may glorify you. For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent."

Eternal life is not something we gain at our death. Eternal life is something we are called to now, because eternal life is knowing God. If you've ever spent time imagining what Heaven will be like, you've probably imagined a world without the things that distract us from the presence of God. The thing is, we are called to start living without those distractions today. Because on this very day, God continues to do His redemptive work in our world.

What is it that keeps you from understanding that God is who He says He is? What is it that distracts you from knowing God, from hungering and thirsting for His Word, from knowing that He is alive and moving?

In light of what Jesus tells us eternal life is, this gives me a whole new perspective on Philippians 3, where Paul writes, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

Paul is describing eternal life. Eternal life is losing all things that compete with my love for Christ. Eternal life is no longer striving to attain a righteousness of my own. Eternal life is sharing in Christ's sufferings. Eternal life is waking up every day in awe of the fact that life has been given to you, and going to bed at night in wonder that God chose to use you as a part of His redemptive work in this world. And when that is found, I pray that it is something you never lose.

(This is one of the many entries I hope to have as a result of walking through The Truth Project this summer...so credit goes to Dr. Del for inspiring me.)

bears. beets. battlestar galactica.

Because I love top 10 lists (and lists in general), you will see them incorporated into my blog from time to time when I need something to write about that doesn't require too much thought. 

So...in honor of the laughter my own office often brings to me, I've decided to provide you with my top 10 favorite episodes of The Office. Enjoy!

10. The Initiation 

"I think we can get a lot done, don't you? On paper, at least. And we are, after all, a paper company. Are we not, are we not, are we not? Are you with me, are you with me? Thank you very much."

9. Fun Run

"It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we're fine."

8. Email Surveillance

"I'm looking for my doctor. He's a tiny midget."

"BOOM! Agent Michael Scorn!"

7. Safety Training

"I saved a life...my own. Am I a hero? I can't really say...but yes."

6. Beach Games

"It's pretty simple. Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody it!"

5. Conflict Resolution

"And the answer is...make the poster into a t-shirt! Win-win-win."

4. Office Olympics

"Question: Where can I put my terrarium?"

3. The Negotiation

"I made one tiny mistake. I wore women's clothes."

2. The Dundies

"...And we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs, which for me, has ruined them for life."

1. The Injury

"He grew into a man overnight. A rare disability. It still works."

anger, facebook, and Ephesians 3:20-21

This summer, my discipleship group is going through The Truth Project. Pretty intense stuff...and I'll be sure to write all about what I'm learning this time through. But a couple of weeks ago, we took a break from the in-depth worldview study, and watched Rob Bell's "Store" Nooma. It's one of my favorites.

In the lesson, Rob Bell talks about what it means to have a holy anger. Our anger is usually rooted in selfishness, therefore manifesting itself in unhealthy and sinful ways. But there are things worth getting angry about. Often times, we are encouraged to label what we enjoy in order to direct us towards some sort of purpose in the future. But it is also a valid question to examine what makes us angry in the world...

There are many things worth fighting for that are part of a larger cause. In my own life, that which makes me angry directly correlates with an experience I've had where God has allowed me to see something outside of myself. 

I'm angry about the lack of hope there is for the poor after witnessing life on the reservation, where people seemed to be trapped in a life of fear and despair since they have no resources to help them out of their current situation. 

I'm angry about the genocide that is happening in our country and the injustice against those who have not yet been born ever since the first conversation I had with someone on a college campus after being trained with Justice for All.

I'm angry about the fact that every night when I go to bed, Milton (my Compassion child in Kenya) has to wake up in  a world where his family is dying from AIDS.

I want to be a part of bringing the peace of God to each one of these situations. But there's something else that has been currently making me mad. And this is in no way on the same scale as any of the other things I've listed above. But there's still something I can do about it. 

Poor communication makes me angry. One place that I particularly see this is online. My heart breaks for people who are more transparent and vulnerable on their facebook page than they are in a one-on-one conversation with someone. It hurts me to see people seek gratification and approval in the form of facebook comments.

It's easy for me to get a negative attitude about this. So instead of letting my anger manifest into complaining, God has challenged me to think about the ways I can be a part of His redeeming work in our culture. I've made it my goal to pray through all of my facebook friends. 

I'm excited for the story from an old friend about how God is working in their life. I'm excited for the acquaintance that I'll get to know better through this. I'm excited to see the power found in the name of the Lord impact a life that needs encouragement. I'm also excited to see how I change as I learn more and more what it means to celebrate the discipline of prayer for those I am called to love.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen!"

much love: summer 08

My sister means more to me than any person in the world, and I am so honored that she would choose to come and live with me for the summer. Every day is a celebration of the life transformation we have seen each other through, and I'm incredibly fortunate to call her family.

it's a trend...

People always try to claim that they aren't trendy. The thing is, it's trendy "not to be trendy." It's kind of like the people who try to convince you that they "aren't addicted" to smoking and that they could quit anytime...the more they attempt to defend themselves, the less likely you are to believe them. I once was a person that claimed not to like "trendy" things, until I realized I was being trendy in the process...which then just made me lame. So now, I embrace my trendiness.

The radio is a great way to learn what's trendy. It's trendy to talk about how high the gas prices are. And it's beneficial to know what's trendy to talk about, just in case you get stuck with nothing to say in a conversation. Because noise is trendier than silence in our society, you'll be better off talking about the trendy topic compared to the awkwardness of talking about nothing.

Listening to the radio is trendy too. And I hate it (the radio, not the fact that listening to it is trendy), but still I listen to it. Since I only live exactly 2.1 miles away from where I work, I rarely ever take the time to listen to my ipod or a CD. I'm not complaining--with the price of gas the way it is (here I go being trendy...), I consider myself fortunate to save money on the commute to work. Maybe I should buy a bike...then I would fit in with all those trendy environmentalist that talk about how "green is the new black"...someone should inform them that this is a rather trendy phrase.

Remember when listening to the radio was cool? One day in 6th grade, I arrived at school in the morning, and everyone was talking about how the local radio station was off the air the night before like it was the most monumental event in the history of the world. Up until this point in my life, I had never really dedicated much time to listening to the radio (except when my dad would listen to the oldies station in the car); but after "the day in which I had nothing to add to the conversation about WBNQ's radio blackout", you can bet I listened to the radio every day for the rest of my junior high career. I even called in to request songs.

But in your 20s, people start claiming that they never listen to the radio. Which is probably a trendy claim to make. It confuses me though, especially when I go to sporting events and a song like "Hot in Herre" (made popular in the summer of 2002 by Nelly) comes on, and everyone knows the words. Now I know they don't own the CD (or maybe they do...which is a whole other issue). How are they singing along? I think more people listen to the radio than they like to admit.

But just remember...I don't like watching Oprah and I don't own any clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch and I don't use any instant messaging programs and I don't drink Starbucks coffee. but i may occasionally write with no capitals and excessively use ellipses...and have a guitar...sitting in the corner...of my room...even though i rarely play it...

"the beginning" i suppose

I was sitting at a hibachi grill "that will change your life" (or so it's 

been said...), and in between conversation about mixed martial arts 

and ninja warriors, Ben and Chris motivated me (through song and 

dance...or something like that) to start a blog. They're not the first to mention it, though. Although I'll go ahead and give them partial 

credit. They need it.

The problem is that my over-analytical nature doesn't allow me to write anything quickly. It takes me forever to construct even a single sentence. If you were to see how many times I deleted and rewrote the previous 2 sentences, you'd probably go crazy. And in between this sentence and the last, there was about a five minute window where I got distracted by some statistics on Randy Johnson's career number of strikeouts...

I am a writer. My thoughts appear in my mind like words on a page. I love telling stories. I find it easy to talk about myself. They say that writers are quite possibly the most narcissistic people in the world. I've never claimed to be an example of great humility, so that may occasionally be true of myself. 

But my writing doesn't usually come out of a self-love. Rather, it's a reminder of my humility. When I kept a blog in high school and college, I would occasionally go back and read my earlier posts. And it was like looking at an old photograph album. I couldn't believe how young I sounded...how much I thought I had the world figured out, when in reality I had very little discovered. It was always tempting to delete these posts and start fresh. I didn't find it very enjoyable to have my imperfection displayed for everyone to go back and read. 

There's something beautiful about a person who is fully aware of their imperfection. Perhaps this is because imperfection is real. We see it everywhere--in our family, in our church, in our world. And somehow, we always react as though we are surprised by it. We're always talking about people's mistakes as though it is shocking news. "Do you know what he did?" "Can you believe what she said?" To assume that worldly things will be perfect is believing a lie...and psychologically speaking, that defines you as insane.

I want to be a person that knows that imperfection is reality, both in myself and those that I am called to serve. Because when I realize my own imperfection, I recognize my desperate need for a love that transcends our humanity and a grace that is given to us despite the fact we rarely have things figured out like we think we do.

your sister,

Amy