becoming aware...

Have you ever looked at a picture of yourself and suddenly been aware of a certain mannerism, facial expression, or other habit that you have? My old roommate Stephanie has endearingly labeled one of my facial expressions as the "Amy face"; but until she said something, I never realized that every time I went to take a goofy picture, I was making the same face. There have been other times where I've looked at pictures and had rather unpleasant observations--my posture could use some improvement, my hair is never straightened enough in the back.

But there's something deeper than physical awareness of what we look like, and that is a spiritual awareness of our own pride. What I look like in a photograph has very little significance in the grand scheme of things. Pride, however, roots itself in our human nature; causing every action, every word, every thought, to be influenced by the heightened view of ourselves. It's something that we often don't see unless we take a close examination, but very rarely do we take the time to do this.

Maybe it's exactly what we NEED to do.

We are aware of the actions we call sin. When we disobey, we know we are disobeying. When we lie, we know we are lying. When we lust, we know we are lusting. When we covet, disrespect, cheat, pervert...we know those things as wrong. As people who want to be viewed as right, we attempt to eliminate these actions from our lives. In our attempts to eliminate, we often, as the songwriter Derek Webb writes: "trade sins for others that are easier to hide." Why is this? Is it because we are missing the core of what is really behind each of these actions?

I lived many years as a Christian blind to the reality of pride--it's not as easy as making an observation from a photograph. And when I finally recognized the ways in which it had manifested in my life, I attempted to cover it up to those who could see it. If you've ever done this, you know that it's impossible. Days where I thought I was being "humble" were met with moments when I was more aware of another's pride than I was of my very own; which is the blinding nature of pride, to see others and judge their lack of humility.

The Christian life is more than the effort to eliminate "public" sin. I am not suggesting that our actions do not matter. But instead of trying to manipulate the perfection of ourselves, we should be becoming ever increasingly aware of our inadequacy to transform ourselves.

We put SO much effort into avoiding moments in which our pride is exposed for the world to see. What if we put that much effort into claiming our own depravity and a need for Jesus Christ to rescue us from being a slave to sin? Would our lives truly then be a testimony of the transforming work He wants to complete in each one of us?

This awareness of our pride--the fact that we satisfy our desires before our neighbors, slander our brothers and sisters in order to gain worth in the eyes of others, critically judge those who do not live like we do--is a call to humility. It shows us our true need for a Savior. It is He that eliminates sin, not us. We have no power outside of His if we've surrendered our life to Him.