myths on dating // "it's going to take a great man to earn my respect"

Maybe you know the girl I used to be. You know, the girl who claims that "girls can do anything guys do", the girl who sees it as justice to fight for women to be considered "equals" among men in all fields, the girl who glories in her independence. I know these girls because I was one.

I suppose it all started with good intentions. I didn't want to be a person who waited until they got married to start their life, so I set ambitions for myself and went out to achieve them. And there's nothing wrong with women being successful--please don't miss that. But I had bought into a philosophy that fails to see that there are specific roles that have been uniquely assigned to men and uniquely assigned to women.

There's a problem in our society, and it can be summed up like this: simply put, we're masculinizing women and feminizing men. And this can manifest into something very ugly, even in the church. I got it wrong for many years, now I'm passionate about helping people get it right. There is an urgency to live this out--and it is the very thing that is under attack in our culture today.

I developed the "it's going to take a great man to earn my respect" attitude as a result of this incorrect philosophy. Now, before I go any further--it's not as though I've thrown all standards out the window. My problem with the statement is more about the underlying philosophy behind it than the statement itself. This attitude creates a woman who sits on her throne, expecting men to jump through hoops of fire to impress her.

We've missed the fact that, as women, we are to be a helper suitable to men (Genesis 2), designed to be an encourager and supporter. Therefore, even in the church, we struggle to find men who are leaders, but have plenty of women who complain about that very fact. I wonder if woman are partially to blame for this problem. I wonder if we would begin to see men feel empowered to lead when women begin to speak words of affirmation into the lives of the men around them. As rare as it may seem to find a man who leads, it may be just as rare to find a woman who respects men the way she ought to.

For my ladies reading this (I'll get to the guys in a second), if you take away only one thing I write in this post, remember this: You were created with the desire to submit (I don't care if you like or loathe that word, it's the truth). Some of us deny that desire, for whatever reason. It may be your past or your personality, but sometimes we create an economy of respect where people attempt to buy and sell this rare currency at a high price. Disrespecting men who love the Lord and refusing to submit is to deny who we were created to be.

And guys, realize that you were made to be respected, and a woman should do nothing less. Don't settle for a seemingly "great girl" if she doesn't have admiration for who you are, if her words and actions aren't filled with encouragement and support. If you are a man following after the heart of God, you deserve a helper suitable; a woman who makes you a better leader because of her words.

This goes far beyond dating, like I said in my previous post. I'm not asking women to submit to every man like he's her husband, and I'm not demolishing the expectations for men to step up and be great leaders. I suppose this post is more for the women than the men who read my blog, but I leave you with this: know that God created purpose in gender, and to deny that is to live foolishly as the world does. Help each other become the great men and women who advance the kingdom by becoming who they were created to be.